ho hum

well today was one of the worst days ever for me.. my dad got his results back from his biopsy.. it aint good he has cancer.. they are doin a petscan tomorrow just to see how far it has gone.. im praying that is just the start of it and they can give him chemo and get rid of it.

i have seen ppl with cancer get healed completly of it.. Why cant my dad? everyone is praying for him.. and the BIBLE says where 2 or 3 are gathered... and then BY his stripes WE are healed..
you know it is one thing when it is a grandparent, cousin, aunt etc... but when it really HITS home... it is bad... we are all basket cases..

i mean my dad never cries... he broke down last night with my brother, he is scared to death.. and worried about my mom.. i mean what could he possibly be thinking? i mean it is like his days are numbered? and im the type i dont care to text or talk on puter about it but on phone or face to face i rather not..

im a hermit, rather be left alone and let me deal with it my way... my dad was and IS a person i hope my son can look up to and admire.. my dad was a hard working, everyday of his life even if he was sick he still worked...
i mean knowing this, how can i possible enjoy christmas? my son's birthday and look over at him knowing this might be the last party or christmas he will be at...i have had faith since day 1 that they found the spot...
and look where it has gotten us.... but i know God doesnt give us nothing we cant handle.. but i wont dad to be able to see wade grow up, and get in trouble, get married...
i dont know if i will be able to handle this.. WHY couldnt God changed it , healed him, and turn him around.. Why does it have to be like this?
WHY WHY WHY?
i wish it was me instead of him, i would give him a lung if we matched... my dad dont deserve this.
i was all excited about christmas but now... it aint phasin me... life without my dad would be like fish without water...
anyway... does life go on?